You Don't Know Bird

I saw this on my relatives Face Book page and I love it. Thanks Tay

“When life hands you Lemons, make Orange Juice and leave them wondering how the hell you did it”

Don’t ever give people the opportunity to stand between you and what you want in life. It will always be a person who doesn’t think you can do it. It will always be people that don’t think you should do it. Some have good intentions but most want to see you with very little success or no success at all. Its up to you to decide how much success you’re going to have not the next man. Stumble once and you’ll hear “I told you so, “”I knew it”, pay those people NO attention. Listen for “Let me help you” or “Try again, I know you can do it”. What you want is yours for the taking, as long as YOU believe in you. Its nice to have people in your corner, sheering you on but we all aren’t blessed with that. If you don’t hear it, don’t worry. You must continue if you want to succeed. Doctors never thought Wilma Rudolph will walk properly, let alone become the track star she did and Michael Jordan was cut from the basketball team once and he became the greatest basketball player of all time. They believed in them. Who do you believe in?

Stay strong and focused and your dreams are bound to come true!

I just saw two boys walking down the street having the most ignorant conversation I’ve heard in some time.

What does hood mean and why are people hell bent on proving how ‘Hood” they really are? I mean really. If it means that you’re tuff and you don’t take no shit that’s something that doesn’t have to be told. What is the quote everybody likes to use about The Game, not to be confused with the rapper “The game is to be sold not…..”  No matter what you are, there is no need to speak on it. I’m tired of hearing “yeah I’m hood, yeah Im gangsta”. These same people claiming the fame are the same people tucking tails when its time to speak up, the same people running when things get hot. These are the same people snitching and lying. Breaking the very same G code they claimed to uphold.

People with money and I mean long money, unless you’re a rapper, don’t talk about the moves they make or the money they have.  ”Its nothing to a Boss” never comes out their mouth it comes out their actions. Same as a person being “hood”. People who talk about how hood they are usually end up incriminating themselves giving the State or the Feds a portion of their life . Its time to take a look at yourself and realize who you really are and if ‘hood’ isn’t it, give it up. I have a couple of people you can ask about being ‘hood” its not all its cracked up to be. Situations arise and you deal or get dealt with.

Its okay to be street smart, know your surroundings and what people are capable of doing but that shouldnt be the extent of your knowledge or your resume. Get corporate smart, know THOSE surrounding and what THEY are capable of doing. Dont worry about who has the biggest what on the corner, that will only get you so far. If you dont believe me look around. Where are the OGs? In jail. Who is running loose around your neighborhood? The OGs that are out and trying to remain active have no control anymore and if an OG, a person who should be the most respected and most feared in the neighborhood has no respect what do you think is going to happen when one of these knuckleheads rolls up on you?….but you so hood right?

Its time to go another route youngin

My children had the opportunity to go away to camp for the weekend. They would spend three days and 2 nights with their peers, Camp Counselors and Healing Circle Leaders. I know some of you are asking what type of camp is it that takes place in the middle of the school year. I asked myself my same question, when my sister-in-law told me about. My sister-in-law told me a few months ago she wanted me to send the kids along with 3 of their cousins to this Camp named Comfort Zone Camp, a grief camp. My kids had never been to Camp before, let alone one that might be able to help them cope with a death so close, so I said okay. When I got the paperwork, I found out that it was so much more. Comfort Zone Camp is a bereavement camp offered at no cost to kids from the ages 7-17, who have experienced the death of a parent, bother, sister or primary caregiver. More importantly they would be with kids their own age that knew exactly what they were going through.

I went to drop my kids off with 2 of my sister-in-laws that were also dropping off their kids. I had two nephews and a niece that were attending. They all lost their Dad, one lost his Dad to a heart attack and the other two, whom are brother and sister, lost their Dad to a motorcycle accident. For those of you who aren’t familiar with my story, May 9, 2001, my daughter and I were involved in an ambush that claimed the life of my husband, a week before his only child was born. It was my daughters 4th birthday and what was a happy day turned out to be the worst day of all our lives, my son included. My son struggles with the loss the most because he did not get to meet his father and knows that he missing out on a very important piece in his life. It’s harder during the times he playing sports. His teammates come to practice with their Dads and while my son isn’t the only one fatherless, he still hasn’t really been able to deal with the fact that he is missing out. I was happy that he had the chance to participate in something like this and my daughter as well.

When we checked our kids in, they were greeted by a Big Buddy; this Big Buddy would remain with them throughout the entire weekend.  One thing that made me feel comfortable about the Big is that 2 weeks prior to the kids getting there, a CZC staff member called me and asked me several questions about what my kids liked and disliked so that they would be matched with best Big for them. All the kids took to their Bigs immediately. I met the Bigs and when I turned around my kids were gone, all I could hear was the echo of their laughter. The parents/guardians had a small orientation before we left the camp giving us a brief background on the founder Lynne and what our children would be doing.  They would rock climb, zip line, have a bon fire and made smores. They would also take part in a Healing Circle. The Healing Circle is run by  Mental Health professionals and the kids sit around a bon fire and share their loss with the rest of group. Sharing is absolutely voluntary.

Sunday couldn’t come around fast enough, I missed my kids and wanted to know how camp went. I took my Mom with me so that she could see the Memorial Service the kids were putting on as they left camp. Before the children were brought in, all of the Healing Circle Leaders told the parents what age group they had, what types of losses were suffered and how the group went, never disclosing specifics about any of the children. Out of the 57 children nearly all of them loss fathers, a brother a sister and a mom were also among the loved ones. The deaths were from homicide, suicide, car accidents and health problems. It was sad to see that these children had to carry a burden that big. The majority of the children shared and those that did not were a supportive friend to those who did. My children had huge smiles on their faces very excited to tell me how camp went. Their Bigs gave excellent reports on my children and my children did the same. My children were able to see that it was other children suffering from a void in their lives and that they were not alone. They both want to go back and are already asking if they can have the same Big the next time around. To see that they enjoyed it and are willing to go back makes me very happy and I’m glad that my sister-in-law gave me the information.

For more information on Comfort Zone Camp please go to http://www.comfortzonecamp.org/ <http://www.comfortzonecamp.org/> or you can follow them on Twitter at www.Twitter.com/ComfortZoneCamp <http://www.Twitter.com/ComfortZoneCamp>

I read today that Wal-Mart and H&M discard all unworn clothing. We aren’t talking about defects, simply unworn. The two stores are in New York but who knows if it is going on in any other states, especially California. I hope not. In a time where families are struggling with less and less and things cost more and more, you’d think that these two major companies would donate to the less fortunate instead of throwing them in trash bags to be taken away by sanitation workers.

Let me not forget to mention, they tore the clothes up so that they couldn’t be worn. The clothes were sliced with a razor blade. Warm socks cut, fingers cut out of gloves as well as uniform shoes for girls. Mens jackets were sliced down the arm and the body. These items ranged from $60-$130.00!

The homeless and less fortunate miss out by them doing this, children in foster care, battered women and children shelters or any shelter for that matter can benefit from these unworn articles too.  They have programs that help people get jobs and I’m sure they can use them as well. What makes this so bad is that around the corner from H&M was a collection center for New York Cares (http://www.newyorkcares.org/about_us/our_story/) as they were having their Holiday Coat Drive… You mean to tell me you’re around the corner from a Non-Profit organization having a HOLIDAY COAT DRIVE in the middle of a New York winter and you slice perfectly good coats down the arm and back until the white cotton is coming out instead of giving to a person it could have helped. #Wheredotheydothatat? (Sorry, I thought I was on Twitter for a second)

I thought the Good Will and Salvation Army were bad for picking up donations and then selling them to the less fortunate but this takes the cake. Wal-Mart was not the biggest offender in this, finding 20+ bags of torn clothing behind H&M. Melissa Hill; a Wal-Mart spokesperson said they typically donate all of the unworn clothing to charity and would have to investigate why this happened. I don’t believe her, she needs more people. H&M is just a mess because it took them more than a week to respond to the accusations. Merely stating it will be looked into.

The woman that found these bags, Cynthia Magnus wrote a letter to Ingrid Schullstrom, H&M Executive, offering to help establish a relationship with H&M and a New York charity or agency so that the clothes aren’t wasted and according to her, she has not received a response. I think this is a disgusting act not to mention wasteful! I don’t shop at Wal-mart and you can bet I never will. H&M almost got some of my money last week; I’m glad I walked it and walked right back out.

Its over! Forget about! Its time to start fresh.  If you had any hang ups in 2009, whatever they were, leave them in 2009. This is a New Year, give yourself a new start. You can always change your outlook on life, the way you treat a person and even the way you eat or live at anytime of the year but for some reason, people always pick the start of a New Year. 

If that helps you, I’m all for it. I don’t have a New Year Resolution. I gave those up years ago. When I get my mind set on doing something I do it. If  I fall off, I start  over again. I don’t wait another 5, 6 or 7 months for January 1st to roll around.  When you want something, you’ve got to go get it. Opportunity might knock but it doesn’t search. Slothfulness will have you missing out on what could be…. possibilities are endless. You’ve just got to want it

Whatever you want. I hope that you are successful in obtaining it. Whatever obstacles are in your way, I pray are removed never to be put in your way again. I hope you’ve apologized to whomever if you needed to, got your gym membership or enrolled in school. I wish you luck in not drinking or eating red meat. Whatever your resolution is, put your mind to it and make it happen. Don’t slack off in May and say Next Year… while you’re waiting for 2011 to come around for you to get back on track, you might not even see tomorrow! The game waits for no one and it doesn’t get any simpler than that.

TV one did me a favor and replayed the Trumpet Awards.  If you don’t know what the Trumpet Awards are, I’ll get you familiar. The Trumpet Awards recognize the accomplishments of African Americans. The Trumpet Award Foundation was founded by Xernona Clayton. Xernona has had a successful career in television. She was the souths first black person to have their own television show and has been a leader in civic projects and civil rights activities for several years.

Among the 2009 Honorees were The Tuskegee Airmen, Magic Johnson, Chris Tucker and  Raven-Symone. To be recognized for this prestigious award, you must have inspired others and are consistent in your field and have longevity in it. Each one of these Honorees have done that. Each a household name that has inspired and/or educated a person, all deserving of the recognition. These Honorees join the likes of Justice Thurgood Marshall, Muhammad Ali, Hank Aaron; Johnnie Cochran, Florence Griffith Joyner, Ray Charles, Cicely Tyson; Ossie Davis, Ruby Dee, Russell Simmons, Nelson Mandela and Drs. Vance and Vincent Moss.

Sherri Sheppard and Anthony Anderson hosted the ceremony and gave me a breath of fresh air. I’m over the BET Awards and their ‘coonery’ with a splash of musical entertainment. I expect more from a Television Station called Black Entertainment Television. I rather watch us celebrate each other instead of join in with those who consider us inferior, ignorant and classless. It’s funny how ‘we’ want people to stop making fun of us when ‘we’ won’t stop making fun of ‘us’. While you  think it’s all good and the people are laughing with you, they aren’t they are laughing at you. There is a difference.

Make sure you look out for  the 18^th Annual Trumpet Awards. The 2010 Honorees include General William E. Ward, Steve Harvey, Judge Clarence Cooper, Don Jackson, Dr. Farrah Gray; Rev. Jim Holley Ph.D, Rev. and Mrs. Joseph E Lowery, Clarence Otis Jr, John Rogers Jr. and Synthia  Saint James.

I respect Xernona Clayton for her mission to “inspire, educate, stimulate and enlighten human minds”. She dared to be different like many of our leaders and inspirational figures before her. I want more for my kids. I need them to expect more from themselves. I want them to dare to be great! The Trumpet Awards should let everybody know that its more than just ‘making it’ and ‘getting out the ghetto’. Its power in reaching out. Its reward in paying it forward.

Try it!

Thanks to Mel, owner of 65 West- The Hair Show the community received free haircuts between 3p-6p yesterday. Mel is a husband and a father, a young black entrepreneur and community activist.  He is also Emcee in one of my favorite bands Homegrowne.

Mel loves his community and wants nothing but peace and unity flowing through it. His last business- The Sharon was located on 53rd and Western. It gave people in the surrounding area a chance to socialize and enjoy good music and open mic night without having to go to Hollywood. Unfortunately, nearby violence allowed the Police Department and City to force its closure but that didn’t stop Mel. He is purchasing a space for a recording studio downtown and has opened  65-West

I think it was dope of Mel to take 3 hours out of his day and cut for free. Someones parent probably couldn’t afford it. Its no secret that California is in a serious money crisis and it hits the low income, one income and single parent homes the hardest. The increase in unemployment and growing cost are making it hard for people to make ends meet and for single parents something as simple as a hair cut isn’t so simple.  That $15 dollars can go towards food, gas or a bill.

You can always catch a smile on Mels face. He has a fun spirit and is a positive influence and inspiration to anyone he meets. We need more men like him, more fathers like him. I take my hat off to you Mel!

Mel has been cutting hair for about twelve years and has mastered yet another craft. If you need a cut look for him, hes around!

65 West- The Hair Show 6522 Western, Los Angeles

If I were to ask you what your definition of Domestic Violence was, what would your answer be?

Domestic Violence are behaviors that one uses to control another, it’s not only physical assault.  It could be sexual assault, keeping you away from your family and friends, emotional /mental abuse; intimidation and even stalking. No matter what it is, all forms of Domestic Violence are unhealthy and potentially life threatening. Years ago most women thought it was okay for their partner to slap them upside the head a few times as if it showed that he cared. Making excuses for him saying she fell or hit herself…anything but what it was.

 The laws concerning Domestic Violence then were different. If the police were called and no one wanted to press charges, no one was taken to jail, even if there was evidence of abuse. If they were taken to jail, it’s likely that the victim would not testify in court, wasting law enforcements time (another subject) and taxpayer money. Today some women still think its okay for a man to slap them upside the head. These women are using the same excuses that their mothers and grandmothers used before them. The difference is, now you don’t have to press charges. If there is evidence of assault somebody is going to jail and your testimony is not needed.  Say what you want, OJ Simpson abusing Nicole Brown changed the game regarding Domestic Violence. It’s a shame it took that long.  Its people losing their lives to Domestic Violence everyday and sweeping it under the rug is no longer being tolerated.  To me, the worse form of Domestic Violence is the mental/emotional abuse. A black eye is easier to heal.

 Emotional and mental abuse can take the very life out of a person. Low self esteem, depression and suicidal ideation can quickly follow. The people suffering from Domestic Violence have gone from woman, to young girls.  It’s come to a point where men are even being abused. It looks like the young girls are suffering more from mental abuse than physical. The boys tell them that aren’t shit and never will be. They tell them that they are ugly and stupid. I’m sure your parents taught you ‘stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me’, that’s not always true. Some people can take the insults people give and not let it affect them and others can’t.  The pressures of the world are enough. Then you have the person who is supposed to be uplifting and supporting to you telling you that you’re a piece of shit. A person putting his/her hands on their partner is unnecessary and could have long term and even permanent effects.  Respect one another. Uplift each other. Good things only can come from that.

Some of you might not like what is going to come next but it’s the truth and often times, the truth hurts. Ladies: If you are having an argument and your partner walks away let him be. Don’t walk up in his face, yelling and screaming pushing and pointing. You’re provoking.  You see it like this and I know you do because I’ve heard women say it before. “He’s a man and men shouldn’t hit woman, he should be strong enough to resist”. To a certain degree you’re right. I see his resistance as him walking away. Not to compare a man to a dog but if you provoke a dog, how long do you think it’s going to take before he bites you? Be respectful to your partners’ space. Don’t put yourself in what could be a dangerous situation.  Don’t you put your hands on him because you’re upset and don’t know how to articulate yourself in a non violent manner. That makes you just as guilty as he would be if he hit you for no reason.

Fellas: Don’t put down your partner, think of your mother or sister being treated that way. Think of the adverse effect it has on the women that are left to raise your children and what their life might be like with a mother suffering from depression or social issues or suicidal.

Parents: Tell your children that you love them, hug them. Tell your daughters they are pretty and smart and will be successful so that it’s not easy for a man to come in and tear their life apart. Tell your boys how to treat a lady and what responsibilities he will have as a man so he doesn’t grow up degrading and controlling but that strong supportive rock and assume the head of the household with pride confidence and trust like he should……All these things matter

 If you or anyone you know is a victim of Domestic Violence, please reach out

www.ndvh.org has 24 hour support across 50 states.

Some of us do not make the decision to be a single parent. We start off in a relationship and once the baby is born, it strains the relationship. While kids are a blessing, we must make sure we have the means to take care of these kids we are bringing into the world. It’s true, a baby can bring strain especially to new parents, add the financial stress and it’s almost certain that your relationship will end. Why the negativity? Lets just say that the men today do not have the same moral upbringing as the men before them and the women to do not have the loyalty that the women had before them. Everybody wants to be the chief and as the battle for that position is taking place, focus is lost. As times change the foundation should never. You always build your foundation on love, trust, honesty and will.  The most important people should be your family. For some of us family is all we have. Mom and Dad, stay united, love and respect one another so when your children grow up, they do the same.

If you are a single parent by choice then I say shame on you. Kids deserve two parents not just one. It does something to children when they see their friends with both parents and they only have one. The kids nowadays are very cruel and you never know what they could be saying to your child. Self esteem issues develop from this as well as anger problems or social issues. If you’re a single parent because of death, I give my condolences. I also want to tell you that God has given you nothing you won’t come out of. You will be an inspiration! To my single parents with the other parent behind bars. Tell your children about their mother or father. No need for details unless you are comfortable and they are ready but let them know about their absent parent. It makes a difference. You know the saying ‘Mommas babies, Daddies maybe’? I take my hat off to the fathers that had to assume the Mother role. It’s more and more of you having to deal with the pressure of that each day. Don’t be resentful, embrace the responsibility that has been given to you. Now to the dead beats…you didn’t think I was going to forget about you did you? I’d like to know why you are not in your childs life. Some of you dead beats had an active father in your life and you should want your son or daughter to have the same.  You don’t have the money, spend the time. If you weren’t ready to be a father then you shouldn’t have laid down. Now you’re calling one another baby moms or baby dads, hating each other. No words for the other. Keep a line of communication open, even if it is via text message or grandparent.

Even with the use of protection, it’s still a chance that a child can be conceived so you must be ready to be a parent at all times. 9 times out of 10 you aren’t using protection which makes it even worse and brings up another topic…. Be aware. Talk to your kids. Hug your kids but most importantly love your kids no matter what your parenting situation is. They didn’t ask to be here so stop treating them like they are getting on our nerves when they don’t have anybody in this world but US!

Ive been hearing a lot about the Tiger Woods incident and its sad to say but this is what the majority of relationships have come to. What happened to the 30+ years of marriage without a mention of infidelity? Why are people getting married nowadays? The most important question I have is do people even know what love is? Do they know the sacrifice and commitment it takes to maintain a relationship? I don’t think so. I think we have accepted third parties as part of the norm and that equals a recipe for disaster. Love your family. Respect your commitments!